Jennifer, angel from heaven

Because I am on so many different drugs it is hard to remember what normal feels like.  I wake up in the morning to a very sore throat where even water is hard to swallow.  Jennifer, my angel from heaven nurse tries different combinations of things until she hits upon one that works and puts it in place. I don't know what I would do with out her, Alex, and Brittney. They make me laugh, they make me feel like I matter, and they never have a bad word.  Your job is unbelievably hard, trying to do your job, deal with patient emotions, personalities, and who knows what but believe me I love each and every one of you.  I express my opinion and sometimes I should bite my tongue.  They put up with it.  I accidentally push the nurse button, they just smile.  Rubbing someones feet can't be fun, but Brittney and Jennifer did it with no complaint.  Clipping skin off that has died due to chemo is even worse but it was done and it felt great to feel the floor when I walked again.

I tried every combination of food on the menu that was softer and after a few days dreaded meal time.  The food was great, but after a period everything tastes the same.  I did enjoy the view at night from my sixth floor room out over the area with all its lights. I would pick out a set of car lights and follow them wondering where they were going.  Life can be such a puzzle and when a piece is missing it just isn't a complete picture. You learn to value things that you take for granted. Talking with your wife while watching TV,  the sounds of your sons voices when they call and seeing them when they visit.  The smile from an old friend when they visit you and the feeling when they hug you.

It's bed time, the day was pretty uneventful, my usual three hour nap, got a hair cut and hated looking in the mirror, went and got a few groceries as I needed exercise and came home.

Good night and God bless.

Two Heisman level nurses at SJMC!

I had the greatest thrill of my life today when I got to meet one of my childhood heroes granddaughters.  Katie Lattner, Johnny Lattner's granddaughter. Johnny was the 1953 Heisman Trophy award winner. He also won the Maxwell Award twice as well. Joining Katie was a very nice young lady, Stephanie S. They were trainees from Saint Mary's working at Saint Joseph Regional Medical Center!   Having smiling faces like theirs sure does brighten up a dismal hospital room. God sure does work in mysterious ways.  Thanks ladies for putting a smile on my face!

Cynthia and Sarah

It has been awhile since I posted but little has changed. The same mouth sores, the same radiation sores that need attention, the same hunger for food that I can no longer eat.  Trying to feel ones fingers is a lost cause but having them is so much better than not having them. I have now went through over fifteen different drugs trying to find a solution. I am wearing a fentanyl patch. Highly addictive but necessary.

The final day of chemo/radiation is usually a significant day, you have went through hell now you wait. I was enthused, I was ready to fight. Within four hours the side effects started showing up. My radiation markers were moved on my rump and I was burned raw within my crotch area. Why did these move, was it an accident, talk to me doctor that's all I ask.  My hands have now completely peeled and look like lobsters claws.  I have lost thirty two pounds although a few have been added back in the last few days.  I ended up back in the hospital. Four nights now and who knows. I miss my wife, I miss my TV, I miss my bed, I miss my friends.  I missed the big game in Florida between Bethel College and Ave Maria University coached by two of our former Bethel players.

Today was a great day however. Two young nursing students from Saint Mary's college were brought to the hospital by their professor.  As part of their nursing training they had to care for me.  They were so special, so alive, and they both had such beautiful smiles. We talked about life, aging, influential people, attitudes, confidence, and just being thankful for what we had. Mother Maureen also stopped by and we all talked. We each took something away from our meeting, I know I did.  She thanked me afterwards for the life lessons and she added me to the prayer list at the church.

When in a short period of six hours you instantly bond with someone, you have met truly remarkable people, and it is something you can't explain but you know that God wanted all of us together today. Thank you Cynthia and Sarah, You made me feel special. I hope somewhere in today's talks you took something away to use in life.

I did and will never forget you!  Now about those cold hands.....................